New Year, New Blog

 

So begins this blogging adventure. I hope that as I share what the Lord is teaching me, as I share my failures and triumphs, Jesus might be glorified in my life and shine bright in this dark world.

TIME… I claim to have none of it. I wake up early to do my devotions. I read and study, I pour into the scriptures for up to two hours before anyone wakes up. I make breakfast, clean the house, and take care of two very energetic boys. I try to be a good wife and care for my husband, try to be a helpmate to him as he is overwhelmed by the duties of church planting and disciple-making in a foreign country. I am discipling 10 young women and a handful of others. So, as you can see, I have plenty of reasons to claim a lack of time, and all seemingly reasonable. But, if I am honest, I do have some moments of quiet silence and peace. I have a loving husband who makes time for me and cares for the boys. I have a babysitter who can come and take the boys so I can write, or pray, or do whatever else I want. It was in one of these moments as I tried to silence my thoughts and stop myself from spinning in circles that I realized…I create the chaos of busyness. Yes, there are moments that are busy and hectic, but it is not perpetual and unending. As I contemplated my thoughts, my complaining, my life, I realized that I use my busyness as an excuse, a crutch and as a way to validate myself as being important.

I had not seen this before, because in my busyness and running around, even in my studying of scripture, I took very little time to just sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to what He had to say to me. As I began to slow down and just sit to be with Jesus I was overwhelmed by guilt. I felt lazy, wasteful, and disobedient among other things. I raced to find something to do, but quickly and thankfully, the Lord quieted my heart and made me just sit for a while longer. Not quite in an audible voice, but very gently and suddenly, a whisper came to me, “I don’t need you to do anything.” Now, that may not sound very gentle or loving, or even profound, but it was to me, in that moment. At first the words were rather difficult to swallow, but very quickly I let out a loud long breath of air and felt surprisingly relieved. The guilt I felt was very quickly revealed to be not of Him. I was trying to validate myself. I was trying to prove my worth to myself, to others watching, and to God. The truth is though, I am not worthy because of what I do. I fail everyday, but Christ Himself has become my righteousness (1 Cor 1:30). He Himself is the reason I am worthy. He has declared me worthy and there is nothing I can do to change that, or add to it.

So, God does not need me, or you. He doesn’t. He loves us, He cares for us, He desires fellowship with us, and yes, He gave everything to have closeness with us, but He does not NEED us. He created the world without our input and opinions. He raises up rulers and Kings and brings them down. He causes wars to cease and kingdoms to be brought down. He upholds all things by the word of His power (Heb 1:3). He is God, the beginning and the end and all-powerful. So here I am, just a moment ago carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders thinking I was holding everything together in this tiny portion on the world and really…I am nothing.   Well, that’s not entirely accurate is it? As I fix my eyes of God and His power and His might, I very much feel like nothing. I feel like less than an ant, a grasshopper a roach. But, He again comes to that place, He comes to me and reminds me. When He created the heavens and the earth, when he separated the land from the waters, I was not far off, I was known by Him. He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world. How glorious is that thought? I can’t even begin to comprehend it.

As we begin this new year, as chores and duties threaten to overwhelm, I am determined to cling to one word this year. Well, maybe two, because I believe they go hand in hand. Rest and trust. I want to take time to rest in the presence of God and trust in His unfailing love for me. I know that He desires that I rest in Him, just as He told Martha, that Mary had chosen the better thing. I want to choose the better thing. I don’t to waste this life running around doing things that in the large scheme of things just leave me tired and embittered. I want to truly trust Him to provide for me, for my family, for those I minister amongst. I am not the one holding the world together (forgive me Lord for thinking it for even a second). I await some humbling as I seek to rest and trust, but I am eager to learn so that I might better see and understand Him and His power.

What is God showing you? Has God given you a word, or two, for this year? Please share it with me and others here in the comments. I promise to pray for every person who leaves a comment =)

Blessings to you in this new Year.

 

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