So begins this blogging adventure. I hope that as I share what the Lord is teaching me, as I share my failures and triumphs, Jesus might be glorified in my life and shine bright in this dark world.
TIME… I claim to have none of it. I wake up early to do my devotions. I read and study, I pour into the scriptures for up to two hours before anyone wakes up. I make breakfast, clean the house, and take care of two very energetic boys. I try to be a good wife and care for my husband, try to be a helpmate to him as he is overwhelmed by the duties of church planting and disciple-making in a foreign country. I am discipling 10 young women and a handful of others. So, as you can see, I have plenty of reasons to claim a lack of time, and all seemingly reasonable. But, if I am honest, I do have some moments of quiet silence and peace. I have a loving husband who makes time for me and cares for the boys. I have a babysitter who can come and take the boys so I can write, or pray, or do whatever else I want. It was in one of these moments as I tried to silence my thoughts and stop myself from spinning in circles that I realized…I create the chaos of busyness. Yes, there are moments that are busy and hectic, but it is not perpetual and unending. As I contemplated my thoughts, my complaining, my life, I realized that I use my busyness as an excuse, a crutch and as a way to validate myself as being important.
I had not seen this before, because in my busyness and running around, even in my studying of scripture, I took very little time to just sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to what He had to say to me. As I began to slow down and just sit to be with Jesus I was overwhelmed by guilt. I felt lazy, wasteful, and disobedient among other things. I raced to find something to do, but quickly and thankfully, the Lord quieted my heart and made me just sit for a while longer. Not quite in an audible voice, but very gently and suddenly, a whisper came to me, “I don’t need you to do anything.” Now, that may not sound very gentle or loving, or even profound, but it was to me, in that moment. At first the words were rather difficult to swallow, but very quickly I let out a loud long breath of air and felt surprisingly relieved. The guilt I felt was very quickly revealed to be not of Him. I was trying to validate myself. I was trying to prove my worth to myself, to others watching, and to God. The truth is though, I am not worthy because of what I do. I fail everyday, but Christ Himself has become my righteousness (1 Cor 1:30). He Himself is the reason I am worthy. He has declared me worthy and there is nothing I can do to change that, or add to it.
So, God does not need me, or you. He doesn’t. He loves us, He cares for us, He desires fellowship with us, and yes, He gave everything to have closeness with us, but He does not NEED us. He created the world without our input and opinions. He raises up rulers and Kings and brings them down. He causes wars to cease and kingdoms to be brought down. He upholds all things by the word of His power (Heb 1:3). He is God, the beginning and the end and all-powerful. So here I am, just a moment ago carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders thinking I was holding everything together in this tiny portion on the world and really…I am nothing. Well, that’s not entirely accurate is it? As I fix my eyes of God and His power and His might, I very much feel like nothing. I feel like less than an ant, a grasshopper a roach. But, He again comes to that place, He comes to me and reminds me. When He created the heavens and the earth, when he separated the land from the waters, I was not far off, I was known by Him. He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world. How glorious is that thought? I can’t even begin to comprehend it.
As we begin this new year, as chores and duties threaten to overwhelm, I am determined to cling to one word this year. Well, maybe two, because I believe they go hand in hand. Rest and trust. I want to take time to rest in the presence of God and trust in His unfailing love for me. I know that He desires that I rest in Him, just as He told Martha, that Mary had chosen the better thing. I want to choose the better thing. I don’t to waste this life running around doing things that in the large scheme of things just leave me tired and embittered. I want to truly trust Him to provide for me, for my family, for those I minister amongst. I am not the one holding the world together (forgive me Lord for thinking it for even a second). I await some humbling as I seek to rest and trust, but I am eager to learn so that I might better see and understand Him and His power.
What is God showing you? Has God given you a word, or two, for this year? Please share it with me and others here in the comments. I promise to pray for every person who leaves a comment =)
Blessings to you in this new Year.
11 thoughts on “New Year, New Blog”
Dear Jenn you are such an inspiration to me. Far from perfect as we all are, you are a role model of a mother, wife and daughter of the Almighty God to me. Thank you for loving God and people!
As for me and new year, I took up Radical Challenge from Radical by David Platt. There are 5 things: to pray for the world every day, ready whole Bible in a year, give sacrificially, serve in a different context, be a part of multiplying community. I pray that at the end of 2016 I’ll be closer to God, He will be glorifies and lives will be transformed.
Prayers and Blessings from Warsaw :*
Thank you so much for your kind words Iwona. I look forward to seeing you soon and hearing more about how the Radical Challenge is going. I will surely be praying for you, and I look forward to seeing the fruit of the Lord’s work in your life. Love you
Beautifully expressed Jenn!
I’d love you to pray for me to be able to learn how to hear God when he speaks to me and to get closer to him this year!
I surely will be praying for you Jess. Thanks for the comment, and you just gave me a great idea for a blog post. I will write more about hearing from God soon. Feel free to PM anytime. Blessings
Jenn, I love this post and that you are writing! Keep it up. God is speaking to me “Wait on Me” as I rush to do and try to figure what He is going to do. Wait and trust God hand in hand :-). He is also reminding me that the “dream comes through much effort.” (Ecc. 51-7). As I dream to follow him in writing and speaking, it will be HARD work. As I dream to raise my family, it will be HARD work. As I dream about where we will serve, it will be HARD work, but it is worth it! LOVE YOU
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Thank you for your encouragement friend, I am always encouraged by witnessing your walk with the Lord and your transparency. Thank you, and your right…it IS hard work!, but very much worth it. Love you too!
Jenn, I love hearing about what God is teaching you! I feel as though I am learning the same lessons, and so I praise God for challenging and encouraging me through your transparency and willingness to share the Lord’s work in your life. I feel one of the biggest things God is showing me right now is to admit my need for Jesus and to remember how desperate I am for His power in my life in order for anything to be accomplished well. I praise Him that He has not left us on our own, but has poured out His grace, love, power and His very own Spirit in order that we may to follow Him on the path He’s given us. Praying for you and your family, as well as God’s work in Poland, through the start of this new year!
Jenn, thank you for sharing all that God is teaching you. I feel as though I am learning similar lessons and I praise the Lord for challenging and encouraging me through you sharing His work in your life. One of the main things God is currently showing me is to admit my need for Jesus, and to recognize how desperate I am for His power in order to accomplish anything well. I am thankful that God does not leave us on our own, but showers us with grace, love, power and His very Spirit so that we may follow Him on the path He’s given us. I am praying for you and your family, as well as for Jesus’ work in Poland, during this new year!
Thank you so much for your encouragement friend! I am praying for you on this journey. I also am so grateful and amazed at God’s amazing grace. Thank you again for your post. Love you friend.
Oh sweet friend… I know your wrote this post for me… 🙂 thank you for letting the Spirit lead… you are so articulate and write so beautifully and honestly… I know the Lord has gifted you in this way so He can use you to touch other hearts and remind them, as you did me, of what is important and what we lose in the busyness we create for ourselves… love you, Jenn!
Love you so much Kim. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, they mean a lot to me. Love you, miss you, and praying for you sweet friend.